i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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