Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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