Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
