So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
