hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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