mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
