I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
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