Can i not drive my cunt home
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Someone came in the potted fern
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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