I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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