she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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