The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
