woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
