What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
