We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
