Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
