if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
