How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
