Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
