I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
