my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
