i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
