so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Randomize
