Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
