Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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