i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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