An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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