i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
