I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
