I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
