He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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