I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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