if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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