Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
