Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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