Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
