I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
