I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Less talking, more tequila
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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