I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
