the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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