I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
