Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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