I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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