They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
This is the high leading the old right now
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
