dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
