I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
