i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
