I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
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