Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
