Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
