a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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