if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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