I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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