This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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