I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
